Thanksgiving is supposedly “use-less-stuff Day,” an effort to get Americans to buy less tumblers that they just keep in their cabinet and never use.
- I just saw buttless panties for sale at Victoria’s Secret. A cashier caught me and asked, “so are you looking for some backless panties?” I kept myself from snorting and said I thought it looked funny and that I’m just taking a picture to send to my friend. “Here,” she said, “this is what its supposed to look like from the front.” Then she said, “Yeah, I actually don’t know what these are used for. Latest design, I guess.” I pause. She pauses. “Have a nice day!”
- I purchased a latte for $6.55 at my local coffee shop, and my insides might have actually curled in on themselves. She smiled a lot though, and when she gave me my change she told me to have a blessed day and I felt like I might need to throw up a little.
- I went to a yoga class, only being able to because of a promotional offer for new students. Didn’t know it was heated. I wore cotton and by the end, I was dripping with a puddle of sweat around me. At the end of class, I noticed that there were several students wearing super-fashionable high-end yoga gear that some famous person might have designed. They were not as visibly sweaty as I was. I felt an overwhelming need to buy the clothes they were wearing, except I spent all my money on the promotional and I probably won’t wear it anywhere besides the classes I will no longer afford to attend after the month is through.
- Payment plans for Dre Beats headphones at the AT&T store. $20 a month for a year, and you’ve paid off the headphones Dr. Dre wasn’t even able to afford when he started Death Row Records. By then, of course, you’ll need to start a new payment plan for the new model.
- My local grocery store is allowing customers to order in Thanksgiving food, so they don’t actually have to cook for themselves. They can just go in on Thanksgiving, and pick up the food. More time for football.
Minimalism is a concept that you can only truly grasp if you’ve had the fortune to have too much of something, and then feel the need to post tiny notes around the house that say shit like “ruthlessly eliminate clutter from your life.” In my experience, people collect to feel secure. They like to have things to keep them from needing to worry about anything. Growing up, my dad was painfully frugal and his favorite word was “no,” so I always get to feel guilty when I buy something exorbitant. Can’t call myself a minimalist or a spender, but I’ve become acutely aware when someone or something is trying to sell me something, especially when I never needed or wanted it in the first place.
Happy “Use-Less-Stuff” Day.
I’m in America.